Death Preparation Guide

A Comprehensive End of Life Planning Tool

Document your wishes with dignity | Honor all spiritual traditions | Completely private

Death preparation is one of the most profound practices we can undertake. Documenting your wishes is an act of both love and clarity—a gift to yourself and to those who will walk with you through your final transition.

This guide offers structure for this sacred work, drawing from both practical and contemplative dimensions.

Starting Points

What feels most alive for you to document first? Some people begin with:

The physical/medical decisions — advance directives, DNR wishes, pain management preferences
The relational aspects — who you want present, what you want said or unsaid
The spiritual/contemplative dimensions — practices to be done with you or for you
The practical aftermath — body disposition, memorial wishes, estate considerations

Consider whether you're drawn to start with the contemplative framework that would hold the dying process itself, or the practical scaffolding that allows that space to exist.

Questions to Hold

You don't need to answer these now, but they might orient your documentation:

What qualities do you want present in the room/space where you die?
Who has permission to make decisions if you cannot? (And do they truly understand your values?)
What practices or prayers matter most to you? Which traditions should be honored?
What do you want your last conscious communications to be about?
How do you want your body treated immediately after death?

A Layered Approach

Consider creating your documentation in these layers, each building upon the last:

Legal/Medical Essentials

Advance directive, healthcare proxy, POLST (Physician Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatment) if applicable. These are the legally binding documents that ensure your medical wishes are honored.

Intimate Guidance

Instructions for those who will be with you—what helps, what harms. The subtle things that only you can communicate: the touch you find comforting, the words that bring peace, the presence that grounds you.

Practice Instructions

The contemplative container you want held. Which mantras, which prayers, which practices from which traditions. The spiritual atmosphere you wish to die within.

Aftermath Wishes

What happens to your body, memorial preferences, and the legacy you wish to leave. The practical expressions of your values after you've gone.

Remember: This is a living document. It can evolve as you do. What matters most is beginning the conversation—with yourself, with those you love, and with the reality of your mortality.

Next Steps

Choose one layer to begin with—the one that feels most urgent or most clear. You might start with the legal essentials for peace of mind, or with the contemplative dimensions that feel most alive in your practice.

There is no wrong place to begin. The practice itself is the preparation.

Legal/Medical Essentials

Life-Sustaining Treatment

Under what circumstances do you want CPR performed?

Do you want mechanical ventilation if you cannot breathe on your own?

What are your wishes regarding feeding tubes?

Are there conditions under which you would want treatment withdrawn?

Pain Management & Comfort

How do you prioritize comfort versus consciousness in your final days?

What is your position on palliative sedation?

Are there medications or treatments you refuse even for pain management?

Do you want to remain as alert as possible, or prioritize pain relief?

Healthcare Decision-Makers

Who do you trust to make medical decisions if you cannot?

Does this person truly understand your values and wishes?

Have you discussed specific scenarios with them?

Who is your secondary healthcare proxy if the first is unavailable?

Specific Medical Scenarios

What are your wishes if you have advanced dementia?

What if you are in a persistent vegetative state?

What if recovery is possible but uncertain?

What constitutes "meaningful quality of life" for you?

Essential Documents:

• Advance Healthcare Directive (Living Will)

• Healthcare Power of Attorney / Healthcare Proxy

• POLST/MOLST Form (if applicable in your state)

• DNR/DNI Orders

• Organ Donation Preferences

Intimate Guidance

Who Should Be Present

Who do you want present in your final hours?

Who should absolutely NOT be present?

Are there people you want to see for final conversations before you're actively dying?

What boundaries need to be held with family members who might not respect your wishes?

Physical Comfort & Touch

What kind of touch brings you comfort?

Are there types of touch that disturb you?

Do you want to be touched at all, or do you prefer space?

What temperature do you prefer?

What scents, if any, are comforting to you?

Atmosphere & Environment

Do you want music? If so, what kind?

What lighting feels right?

Do you want silence, or gentle background sounds?

Are there specific scents you want in the room?

What objects or images do you want visible?

Communication & Presence

Do you want people to talk to you, or prefer quiet presence?

Are there specific things you want or don't want said?

How do you want people to respond if you're in distress?

Do you want reassurance that it's okay to let go?

Are there stories, memories, or truths you want spoken aloud?

What Helps, What Harms

What actions from others bring you peace?

What behaviors would cause you suffering?

How should your loved ones handle their own emotions in your presence?

Are there specific conflicts or dynamics you want resolved before dying?

Remember: These intimate details can be shared with your trusted circle separately from legal documents. Consider writing a personal letter to those who will be with you.

Practice Instructions

Contemplative Practices

Which meditation or contemplative practices are most important to you?

Do you want specific practices done with you or for you?

Are there mantras, prayers, or phrases you want recited?

Do you want these practices done continuously or at specific times?

Who is capable of holding these practices properly?

Spiritual Traditions & Teachers

Which spiritual traditions should be honored in your dying?

Are there specific teachers, preceptors, or spiritual friends you want contacted?

Do you want rituals from particular traditions performed?

How should conflicts between different traditions be navigated?

Are there texts you want read aloud?

Phowa & Transition Practices

Do you want phowa or other consciousness transference practices?

Who is qualified to perform these practices for you?

What visualizations or deity practices are meaningful to you?

Do you want practices continued after death? For how long?

Are there specific instructions for the immediate post-death period?

Sacred Objects & Symbols

What sacred objects do you want present?

Are there specific relics or blessed items you want placed on your body?

Do you want a particular Buddha, deity, or spiritual figure image visible?

Are there elements you want represented?

Guidance for Practitioners

What instructions do you have for those holding the contemplative space?

How should they work with your energy and awareness as it changes?

What are signs that you need different practices or interventions?

How long after death should the body remain undisturbed?

What practices should continue after you've stopped breathing?

Consider: Create a separate, detailed document for your spiritual support team with specific practice instructions, lineage prayers, and timing details. Include contact information for teachers who should be notified.

Aftermath Wishes

Body Disposition

Do you want to be buried, cremated, or something else?

If cremated, what should happen to your ashes?

Are there specific locations where you want your remains?

Do you want your body present at any memorial service?

Are there specific funeral homes or services you prefer or want to avoid?

Immediate Post-Death Care

How long should your body remain undisturbed after death?

Do you want home funeral practices or traditional funeral home services?

Who should wash and prepare your body?

What clothing or shroud do you want to be dressed in?

Are there objects that should be cremated or buried with you?

Organ & Body Donation

Do you want to donate organs? Which ones?

Do you want to donate your body to science?

Are there religious or spiritual considerations around body donation?

Have you registered as an organ donor officially?

Type of Service

Do you want a funeral, memorial service, celebration of life, or nothing?

Should it be religious, spiritual, secular, or mixed?

How soon after death should it occur?

Where should it be held?

Who should officiate or facilitate?

Tone & Content

What tone do you want?

What music, if any, should be played?

Are there specific readings, poems, or texts you want shared?

Do you want an open mic for people to share memories?

Should food or ritual be part of the gathering?

Who Should Be Included

Should the service be private, by invitation, or open to all?

Are there specific people who should or should not attend?

Who should speak or perform rituals?

How should distance or estranged family members be handled?

Digital Legacy

What should happen to your social media accounts?

Are there digital files, photos, or projects you want preserved or deleted?

Who should have access to your devices and passwords?

Are there online communities that should be notified?

Personal Items

Are there specific items you want to go to specific people?

What should happen to your spiritual objects and texts?

How should your creative work be handled?

Are there items that should be destroyed rather than distributed?

Final Messages

Do you want to leave letters or messages for specific people?

Are there apologies or acknowledgments you want delivered?

Is there wisdom or guidance you want to pass on?

How should these messages be delivered?

Estate Planning: While not covered in detail here, ensure you also have a will, trust (if needed), power of attorney for finances, and clear beneficiary designations on all accounts. Consult with an estate planning attorney.